Our Show- The Shield

The Shield ended last night. Todd started watching it with me during the second season. Then we got the complete first and second seasons and watched them to be all caught up. Since then we have been loyal viewers of this intense, upsetting, and fun show. We have waited up to a year and a half between seasons, we have stayed up way past when we should go to bed, we have endured seeing extremely uncomfortable, not the least bit sexy, nudity. I stormed through the house in fury when Curtis got grenaded, cringed through every scene when Dutch was dating Corrine, and had some great after discussions with Todd addressing Vic's tactics.
I love that Todd watched it with me. That we had that to look forward to together. I am sad for that reason to see it go. But I'm relieved to have some closure to the story of the Barn and all the characters I've loved and shaken my head at over the years.

Favorite Character- Lem, then Ronnie, my poor betrayed guys
Favorite Episode- Early on, when Claudette and Vic are paired up and Dutch is with Shane
Favorite Captain- Monica Rawling (Glenn Close) What an awesome leader.
Favorite Season- Season 4, with Glenn Close, Mackey actually tries to be good
Stupid Award- Shane-could you have made one intelligent decision in your life?
Favorite Villian- Armadillo was pretty scary
Love to Hate- Aceveda, the total Politician
Favorite tension breaker - Billings
Didn't expect that - Mackey didn't hook up with Olivia.

Tweetle Beatles

In our house the Beatles are now The Tweetle Beatles. And we listen to them a lot. O has taking a liking to Yellow Submarine in particular. After only hearing it a couple times, I heard her singing it in the bathtub. These are the moments that make you so proud to be a parent. I showed O a picture of all The Tweetle Beatles. I pointed to them and told her their names. She said "I like Paul and Ringo, but I don't like John and George". A couple weeks later, she admitted that she did indeed like John and George. I was relieved.
O's second favorite Beatle song is "Come Together" which is pretty high up on my personal favorite list. She requested it by saying "the one that goes like this"... and then she made similar soundeffects to the very great opening rift. It was very cool.
I made an MP3 CD for the car of all the albums I have by them and we listen to that as we drive. I am blown away with how many songs I love. Through this very hectic, stressful time, The Tweetle Beatles have given me some outstanding moments of peace and enjoyment.

Happy Birthday Brother

My brother is cool. There are many reasons this is so and I intend to elaborate more on this at some point. But one of the reasons my brother is so cool is that he would understand why I bought the movie "Ice Pirates".
I don't know how long it's been since he has seen it, if he even remembers Lanky Nibs. I had forgotten him. But I hadn't forgotten the essence of this cinema classic.
As children we watched the strangest movies over and over. Maybe "Foul Play" was a light enough comedy for multiple viewings, but "Mommie Dearest"? "Ice Pirates" was one of these. It has an all-star cast- Robert Urich, John Matuszak, John Carradine, Ron Perlman, and the very imposing Anjelica Huston.
I watched it the other day and it made me happy. I'm lucky to have had such a fun movie buddy as Si.

Sweet's Sunshine

I got to meet Matthew Sweet on Monday night. He signed his new CD, Sunshine Lies, for me after his show. I knew I was going to get to meet him before the show, so I thought of rehearsing something to say. But I thought I would just be natural. Which meant I hardly said anything at all. Just my name and "thank you", which was a much deeper thank you than it came across.
Meeting someone who has had an effect on your life in such circumstances is awkward, at least for me. I was wishing my dad was there. He knows how to talk to people on "their level", genuine, equal, friendly, knowledgable. My mom is pretty good at it too, putting people at ease. But I am frightfully aware of a discrepancy.
I have been listening to Matthew Sweet for over 15 years. I've seen him 4 times and have almost all his albums. He is one of the staples, one of MY artists, and I am loyal to him. I've cried while his songs have played, worked to his music, connected with friends over his albums. He is memories in sound, and a still inspiring presence. A presence in my life for almost half of it. And when I go to meet him, with all this history on my side, I am just another fan to him. I feel he appreciates that role I play, he was very nice and even said I had a pretty name. But I wish I could talk to him outside that fan-hero relationship, where I would be more at ease.
For this reason I feel like I do not want to meet Elvis Costello. I wouldn't want to dispel that feeling that we are connected by not being able to speak in his presence. (Though since he is a father of two toddlers, I actually think I could blather away quite easily about our respective kids!) And Leonard Cohen, egads!

Professional Trouble

I try to like people. In general I can find something in people that is redemptive in my overall accessment. So what happens when someone you have had trouble finding that in, does something that sinks them further in the hole of your estimation? When you have to lead a person you don't respect, who does a crappy job, and who makes unfunny comments for everything, how do you maintain your patience and not let your disgust drip off you? I feel like a phony being nice to her, the job requires that I can't just ignore her, and I have a strong desire to be a good leader and a good person. I feel she doesn't respond to my leadership style and that I don't want to lead her. She is a weak link in the team, but not one I want to protect and nourish. And strangely enough for me, I don't care if she likes me either. But I do care about being professional.

Words Cannot Describe This Sweetness

Signature by Eklay

A kitchen sink. Something you take for granted most of the time. Until you are faced with a torn up wall that you can't just pour sour milk or warm water on.
So I honor the kitchen sink because for over three weeks I had that wall. And where was my lovely brand new sink Todd had put in 2 months before? It was taking up half the patio waiting for the insurance adjuster to look at it and say "we can't pay for this type of leak".
Praise the kitchen sink. The garbage disposal, so convienent, so efficient. Counter tops, how I needed you, missed you, longed for your workspace. Thank you microwave for coming through in the clutch, but steamer, blender, stove, and oven.... you are so beautiful to me. No more eating only one meal a day because I didn't want to gain 10 pounds on all the fast food. Vegetables, welcome back.
Maybe now I will find the courage to drink my desired amount of water rather than turning to Coke in desperation. That water bottle that taunts me, "you will feel better if you drink me". No, I cry, can't someone else make me feel better, why do I have to do something? With the strength of multi-grain tortillas, fruit, and light sour cream, maybe I will feel less like a ball of chaos.

Moments of O-ness (No relation to Honus)

Olivea named her Giraffe Chucky Sue. She named the little girl in her potty book FooBoo. (I'm not sure that is the correct spelling, I should ask FooBoo's Mom.) She named her two play doggies Sparky and Bluejay. I love that she is creating and pretending.
I woke up last week to hear her over the monitor saying in a great southern accent, "I'm Doc Hopper". This followed by "I'm not Doc Hopper" in normal Olivea accent. I let her see a toy drum at Target and she said "I'll play like Animal". So of course I had to get her the drum. Today in Trader Joe's the checker handed back a Clif bar we were buying. Olivea said thank you then read C, L, I, F and said "that spells Clif".
With all the mess and stress in our lives right now, she still brings out laughter, fun and wonder whenever I'm with her. And I've found someone to watch the Muppet Movie with me. I've almost got the Rainbow Connection memorized, so does she.
These are the awesome benefits of showing up.

Derek

This Cat could cluck like a chicken. He would sit at the window and talk to the birds. Nigel would lick him and then bite him, and sweet Derek would never rise to the bait. He would just sit there and give Nigel no satisfaction.

We named him Derek after Derek Smalls from Spinal Tap. With Nigel, we called them the Spinal Cats. He was a lover and not a fighter, so other bully cats made his life hell at the shelter. So we brought him home to the biggest bully cat of them all. But I think he was happy with the trade off. I think they did like each other. I was even worried that they would miss each other when Lianna took Derek to live with her, but I had never seen Derek so happy as when he got his own place, no bully cats around.

Nigel and Derek had great teamwork when it came to getting obese. Nigel cannot stand for the food bowl to be empty, and Derek couldn't leave the bowl till it was empty. So while Nigel begged for more just so it would be there, Derek ate it just cause it was there. Unlike Nigel, Derek's head wasn't huge, so when he added all the weight he looked terribly unproportioned. Lianna got Derek down to a good healthy weight and Derek actually started to play.

Derek was one of the nicest cats I have ever know. Ginger and Derek, two orange sweethearts. He would let you pet him till your hands fell off. No turning and biting you like Nigel. He would cuddle. Todd loved how he could orchestrate his movements by petting certain parts of his neck or back. He would have been so happy with some older person who had time to just sit and watch TV with him. Oh yeah, he loved to watch TV.

He died on Sunday March 30, 2008. I hadn't got to see him that much in the last couple years. I will miss him. He was a gentle and just plain nice cat.

The Dark Age

Our computer was down.
It was awful.
I had to write checks.
Had to figure out just the right time to mail them.
I had to add and subtract.
I could not check on any small fact that crossed my mind.

It works again,
so much relief.
That was Kristy Swanson on Law and Order.

Bored by Dreams

I had this dream right before I woke up that I had been transported to this place where people have perspective problems. I know I was there for two reasons, but I can’t remember the second one. The first one, strangely enough, was that I played too much volleyball and set too much importance to it. Obviously a dream. But I met other people that were so preoccupied with things in their lives, they had forgotten other important things. I met a mother who just obsessed over one of her kids, a guy who was married with kids, but still wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend, and a whole group obsessed with volleyball, just like me. So my group started to play. You would think if we were so obsessed that we actually would know how to play! I was trying to get someone to be the setter, but it was just chaos, everyone trying to hit every ball. So I walked away and decided I belonged back in the real world. As I was leaving I met a girl that was just crazy about soccer. She had a boyfriend, but was constantly blowing him off to play soccer. I told her I was leaving and said, let's go. But she didn't want to leave, she thought the place was perfect, she got to play soccer all the time. I left her and passed a room of people lining up to get into this place. I saw a tall lady that had no face, I saw and old friend from church, I even saw one of my distant relatives. I passed by and hugged some of these people, trying to convey a blessing for quick release from this form of prison. Then I traveled over the ocean and came home, cured of my volleyball fanatasism and so cured of my other obsession, I couldn't even remember it anymore.

Warp Engines Mr. Candy

At work we process. We stand at machines and sort money into denominations. It might sound like dull work, but I like it. You get to challenge yourself to go faster and on Sunday mornings we get to listen to 94.9 New Wave Nation for 3 hours. And sometimes you work with a crew that makes you feel like you are part of something bigger than yourself.
I had this feeling three days ago. Matt's machine was directly on my left and John's was directly behind me. We were a triangular ship and I felt like captain Kirk, leading the crew. I had set a challenge to try to finish before coin, but I did not tell anyone else. But John seemed to be running faster than he normally does, and Matt wouldn't go on lunch. We didn't beat coin, but I did find out Matt had the same goal.
I remember prep days at Bullwinkles with Dustin. We had that ability to work together efficiently without having to actually talk to each other. I find I can do this with both Matt and Germayne in the vault. It is possible mostly because we all know the processes and what order they go, but still working in conjuction with another person while you stay in your own "zone" is such a cool feeling. You feel understood and yet completely hidden.

Of course, it's got Coke in the title

I was listening to Gordon Downie yesterday on my way home from work. He sings a song with the reframe "he couldn't elaborate". At one point he stretches out e-la-bor-ate. Elaborate is a word describing communicating. O is speaking in sentences now. She has the basic concepts of speech. This is called this, I am called this, simple verbs, some good adjectives. As I was driving I was thinking of the depth speech is able to achieve. No solid object for elaborate, just a concept, a concept about expressing concepts. I love words and the layering a good sentence is capable of. I love reading my college essays and not understanding my own sentences, what I was trying to convey. It reminds me of the suffering I put myself through trying to attain greatness in every sentence. The total inability to understand my own thoughts shows I failed completely. For some reason this is comforting and enjoyable for me.

Gordon Downie's "Coke Machine Glow" is a great album. Unlike his band "The Tragically Hip" in many ways, this solo album is mellow and beautiful. Vancouver Divorce has one of the best lyrics ever. "I've found the end of the world of course, but its not the end of the world, of course." Listen to this song. It is wonderful.

My Grandma Plays Hell

We fell asleep before New Years Eve. I haven't done that since I was a small child.

New Years Eve used to be a great night. Si and I would go over to Grandma's house. Sometimes our cousin would be there too. At midnight we would bang pots and pans to ring in the New Year. Grandma Tinker was definitely a fun Grandma. She would play games with us, we would watch her Soap Operas together, and she had yummy things like Pudding Pops and soda. One time we rented "Gone With The Wind" and watched it all, all 4 hours, both days we were there.

She always had two dogs. They were the small, yapping dogs, but I loved them. The first set that I remember were Tinker and Rags (real names probably Tinkerbell and Raggedy Ann). Tinker was old and not very fun. But she liked when you just sat with her and petted her. And yes, we called our Grandma after her dog! I wonder if this ever offended her? She probably understood, she loved dogs too. When Rags was with Tinker, she was the fun dog, the playful and crazy one. When Tinker died, Rags suddenly became old and not very fun. The appearance of the even crazier and more playful Heidi helped the transformation. I remember Heidi best. We would be sleeping in our sleeping bags on the living room floor and Grandma would set Heidi free from the laundry room. She would run and just jump on our heads. It was a cool way to wake up, she was just so excited to play with us. Sadly Heidi would mellow and with the death of Rags take on the older dog roll. She didn't become grouchy though, I always knew she was happy to see me. Mindy was the last dog my Grandma had and she was a spaz. She probably acted a lot like Heidi, but maybe because I was older, it was never that endearing. When Grandma died and Heidi and Mindy came to live with us, it was a sad thing. Our medium sized dog Harriet bullied them, and since Harriet was the queen of all things, I probably didn't protect the little ones as well as I should. For a while they lived outside, huddled in the dog house, dirty, small, and scared of Harriet, who would wrap her mouth around their necks and dare them to move. They ended up going to an aunt's house who lavished them with affection and the amenities that the little dogs had grown up with.

Back to Grandma. My Grandma was a collector and a fan. You knew the things she liked because she was passionate about them. She loved Raggedy Ann and had a great collection of Raggedy Ann and Andy things. She always watched *MASH* and "Soap". She crocheted and was really good at it. She crocheted Raggedy Anns for the girls and she even crocheted another of her favorites, E.T., for the boys. She was a diehard Pepsi drinker. Because she understood caring about hobbies and interests, she encouraged our love for Star Wars and later, my cousins love of He-Man and the Ninja Turtles. She was also a huge Padre fan. When Lianna and I had season tickets in 1994, I had so wished I could have shared that team with her. She would have loved Finley, Caminiti, and Jody Reed. I think her passions helped her relate to kids very well. She was fun and funny.

I wish she had got to meet my husband and I know she would have been crazy for my daughter. She would have loved to hear O quote Sesame Street characters, she would have loved hearing her sing the Alphabet, and most of all she would have loved the big hug and kiss I know O would have given her every time she saw her. O would have loved her too, I know that. For even with all the bad stuff that happened in her life, Grandma knew how to play.