March 7th

5 years ago today something amazing happened to me and Todd. We had Olivea. As amazing as it was, it was not the happiest or best day of my life. Rather it was the beginning of a whole set of happiest and best days, moments, months, years.

It was a scary day. I was terrified of that little baby. I didn't want to hold her in the hospital, afraid I would drop her on that shiny floor and break her. I didn't know how to nurse her, how to calm her, how to hold her. Todd was a natural at holding and soothing her though.

She was so beautiful I could hardly believe it. If I hadn't seen her come from my body, I might have questioned whether they switched babies. And how wonderful that I was given the opportunity to help create life. What an awe inspiring gift that is. With Collette I cherished the whole proccess more because Olivea had taught me how.

Olivea is so beautiful, creative, funny, smart, and strong. She has passion for so many things-art, unicorns, dinosaurs, elephants, music. She loves her grandparents, her cousins, her aunts and uncles, and us. And Angry Birds.
Happy Birthday my beautiful girl. I love you super duper tons.

"Charming to the last"

Nigel. Nigel Jones. Mo. Piehole. PIE-HOLE! (Said like Hi-Ho in Seven Dwarfs). Shut your Ni-ju. Nigel Pup Pup

This is a rambling blog.

Nigel was a cat. My first, and should be my last cat. I still am not sure of the general cat temperment. He wasn't like a dog, that is for sure. He didn't like people for the most part. His favorite people were me, Todd for a spell, Lianna in a very reserved way, and anyone that was allergic to him. "Cat people" could not truly win him over. Pet him too long and he would bite you. Feed him and he would be grateful.

He was so adorable when we first got him. His ears were so large on his tiny head and his paws looked like baseball gloves. He was polydactyl- he had an extra digit on each of his front paws. He was so scared when he first came to live with us that August day in Spring Valley. He hid under the bed. Then a few hours later, as I was laying on the ground playing video games, he came and laid across the back of my legs. It was so cute. So began our tumultuous relationship.

My favorite timespan with Nigel was when we lived at Oakdale and I worked at Vista. He would sleep on the bed with me and I would make him get up in the morning when I did. He would sit in the bathroom until I was done with my shower, then hop into the shower to watch the water trickle down the drain while I finished getting ready.

His sweetness was occasional, and much appreciated. He was there for some bad crying spells, a friendly presence.

But his onery nature was more noted. He ruined 3 couches by peeing on them again and again. He did not like visitors to stay, and he peed on Lulu's suitcase, Paul's jacket, and the blankets Lucas was using. He had a mean pee streak. Our condo suffered from Pee War 2005 when Briana's cat Kitty and Nigel decided to claim their territory by the door. Luckily they kept it to one spot, since they apparently were going back and forth spraying the carpet. We had to buy a screen to keep them out of the area. When the dust cleared and Kitty moved, we were lucky enough to get a carpet cleaner who specialized in cat urine cleaning. He had to bleach the foundation. But the peeing actually got under some control when Todd started being extra nice to Nigel. According to Todd, he was only faking caring about him so that Nigel wouldn't be vindictive. Nigel was troublesome but don't we all deserve better than fake caring. Vindictive "presents" in the future give more argument to the discussion. Todd put up with Nigel for a long time.

A long time Nigel slept on the bed with us. He would always try to lay between us, try to be as near as possible. It was sweet, but really bad for a good night's sleep. Especially when your pregnant. When Todd gave him the final boot out of the bed about 2 years ago, I was relieved. He had plenty of nice places to sleep out in the living room. I had to make more of an effort to show him love and affection. But I was lazy about it.

His ear was constantly infected over the last 6 months. He smelled and he shook blood on things. He became an even bigger pain than ever before. With an infant and a 4 year old, I was hard pressed to give him the attention I should have. Sometimes I would be so annoyed by the smell and the mess, that I felt little sympathy for him. As long as he ate, I felt he wasn't suffering and he didn't act like his ear really bothered him. But the last week, he stopped eating. He went a whole day without food. The next day I sat with him and petted him and after that the sweet boy went right over and ate. I noticed that when I gave him love, he would eat. Not a lot, but he would try. I always thought the thing in life that he loved most was food. It might have been me.

Todd has made me feel like I was foolishly loyal to Nigel, because of my loyal nature. Nigel has scratched Olivea without provication and also with plenty of provication. He never did any damage to her, and I had to ponder what to do with him. I knew that finding a home for him would be very difficult. Aunt Kathi voluntereed to take him, but I didn't think it would be right to insert his unpredictable nature into her household of animals. So who would take this volatile cat who I raised. I was loyal to him, because even though its not always easy to own a pet, I believe when you take on that responsibility you need to follow through unless you can find something better for them. I could never figure that something better out.

I loved you kitty and I miss you, especially when I wake up in the middle of the night and walk into the living room and you aren't there. I still tell you goodnight and blame noises on the Nigel ghost.

Santa Mira In The Morning

I'm in an "Invasion of The Bodysnatchers" state of mind. I don't mean I feel apathetic or that I am currently trying to escape the loss of my soul.

I just listened to the Audio Book of the original novel by Jack Finney. It was by far the most awesome Audio Book I've ever heard. It was read by the son of Don Siegel, the director of the original 1956 movie. The book is first person narrative, so I think it lends itself well to Audio Book form. And he didn't try to get all cute doing the chick or kid voices. And isn't Jack Finney a cool name.

So last night after a day on the go, I watched the majority of the movie. Still great. Watched the rest this morning with Collette.

Back in a college writing class, I wrote a poem about the movie. I ended up revising it a whole bunch because my teacher said pop culture references did not make good literature. I don't know why she loved that other guys poem about the trolls and elves that was clearly Tolkien or Brooks inspired. So I cut up my original poem, changed the title to something trite with Apathy in it and made it more "universal". It had some good new lines, but all in all, it wasn't what I wanted to write and it never flowed to me like my original. With no attempts at "good literature"- here is my original inspired by my ongoing love of Myles Bennell, Becky Driscoll, Jack Belicec and those creepy bubbling pods.

Evening in Santa Mira

It's time for your lullaby child.

Tomorrow your world will be pure.

The hour of your birth arrives yet again

and we wait patiently for your soul.
I remember when you came in on the train.

Even you could see the improvement.

Our streets are so clean now,

the work goes so smooth, nobody complains.

To think even I resisted this change-

I drank so much coffee, smoked so many cigarettes.

But in the end sleep overtook me, as it will you.

I once spent so much time in daydreams,

for me there was no beauty in order.

Now it is the only dream.

How wonderful not to feel pain,

but those are only words.

Nothing is wonderful any more-

everything is right.

Little boy, I used to call you darling.

Tonight there are no endearments.

There are no nightmares either.

So sleep child and as they finally close,

the light leaves your eyes.

We do not need childhood or daydreams.

Even King Donovan could not resist lullabies like mine.

I asked Olivea if she had rubbed chocolate on me. We looked and she hadn't. So I hugged her and said "you are so cute. Can you rub some of that cuteness off on me?" She looked at me puzzled and after a couple of seconds said "you don't need any cuteness. You are already cute." Totally sincere. I feel like a million bucks.

The Great Debate

There is one thing that I've wanted to talk about for some time. Something I feel very strongly about. Shower Curtains. I love them. I want one. In the debate between shower curtains and shower doors, the curtain wins hands down.
Washing- Shower curtain goes in the washer. Done.
Shower door requires scrubbing and chemicals and extra effort in cleaning that horrible track. How I loathe that track. I have an added problem- Whoever caulked everything in our house used Mildew friendly caulk. Once its there, it does not leave until you scrape off the caulk. Shower door also makes it harder to scrub the tub because you have to do it in halves. Limited access.
Bathing Children- With the shower door, you can only see half the tub. Shower door does earn a point here for blocking splashing. When child is young enough that you have to wash them, shower door seriously impedes mobility. Shower curtain draws back to allow easy access to child and can partially shield splashes.
Appearance- Shower curtain allows you to change the tone of your bathroom so easily. Just buy a new shower curtain with different colors. Lighten, darken, make more whimsical, oh shower curtain you are great. Shower door is boring. The only thing I like about our shower door is the mirror on one side that gives a full length mirror in the bathroom. Not worth all the other problems shower door has.
Space- Some shower doors give more room in small tubs. But ours would easily leave plenty of room to have a beautiful shower curtain.

Shower doors are easily removable. Curtain rods easily attached. Lianna and I dismantled the door at Grandma Nina's and she removed her hideous shower door at her new place. But I made a deal that I would live with this shower door. A foolish deal that I have kept. I walk down the shower curtain aisles in stores and wish. Someday.

Thinking about 2009. Some major highlights that should be noted.
One of the best things about 2009 was Silas, Amy, and Drew making the California trip so many times. We were unable to make it up to Utah this year, but they did the traveling for us. Thanks guys! I know it isn't easy or cheap but seeing you is such a blessing.
Another wonderful thing was getting in touch with a bunch of friends that I haven't seen or heard from in years. Andrea and Brock, Amy Britsas, and Ana just to name the A's on the list. It makes me smile so big to be able to reach out and say hi to people who have meant so much in my life.
Another set of people who make me smile is Dr. Buehller and the staff of nurses that saved my dad's life in April. Thanks so deep to them. What remarkable people we were blessed to meet. The quick thinking, the compassion, and the professionalism of the Scripps staff amazed me. I know hospital care isn't always like that, but thank our heavenly father this time it was.
Beach day every Thursday with the weekly and guest celebrities. Inny and outy in the ocean until Olivea started swimming in the bay. Elora learning her beach ropes early and Drew loving the sand. Thanks Grandma Cakey and Grandpa Barry for making it possible and so much fun.
The Embleton family reunion. I didn't get to visit with as many of the cousins I would have liked due to watching my own kid and wanting to spend enough time with Drew. But it sure was fun and amazing to see the "kids" as young adults. Luckily mom and I got to have a good visit with Ana, Mary and Debbie a couple weeks prior to the reunion. That trip was great too, seeing them and also seeing my awesome friend Denise get married.
Tuesday lunch with Lianna was a weekly highlight. What would I do without my awesome best friend? and Perry's frittatas?
I'm grateful for my job and the friends I've made there. The free passes are sweet too.
Todd and Olivea are the best part of any year and hopefully soon, Drippy Drappy will join us.

Why don't they release Carribean Sunset on CD?

Olivea changed the name of her little people barn animals. They are now named after the characters from the movie Babe. I guess that is more appropriate then the names Todd and I gave them. We named them after the characters from "The Shield".

Nigel is on a diet. He needs to lose 4 pounds.

My plants are so happy it rained. Except for Sideshow Bob, he fell over in the wind. He seems okay luckily.

I've got 200 pages left to read in The Brothers Karamazov. If Si was a character in the novel, his middle name would be something like Barryvich and mine would be Barryovna.

I waited and was so excited to get my new Scentsy fragrances and plug in. I picked the plug in especially for the bathroom. And then when I get it, go to plug it in, see that all my bathroom outlets are upside down! I was so bummed I could have cried, but amazingly I didn't. Least the bedroom smells citrusy good now.

Leonard Nimoy really makes me think.